My Life: Part 01: Recovering from Grief

My Life: Part 01: Recovering from Grief

It had been several months since my wife of 13 years had passed from a sudden heart failure. She had a medical history with her heart and had surgery early in our marriage. However, her sudden passing came as a huge life upset for our daughter and me.

There was emptiness in the house we loved. Painful longing followed us from room to room.

With the realization that life was too short -- and a generous life insurance payment to fund it -- we decided to make a move to one of our favorite towns in San Diego county. I scoured realtor websites and found a home under construction within sight of the ocean, but not so close that it was prohibitively expensive.

We would be keeping our current house as it was already paid for, and held many memories -- both joyous and painful for both my daughter and me. It was the house she had been in since she was first born and we were not ready to let it go. This also saved me having to deal with listing and selling the house.

The next few months passed with closing the purchase, making a few design changes, and picking out paint, flooring, and cabinetry. The activity kept me busy and kept my mind from slipping into depressing thoughts.

My daughter was a little nervous about leaving her school and school friends, but I reassured that they would be free to visit us whenever she wanted. She was very excited about the move otherwise as she knew she would be close to the beach, which she loved.

Shortly after Christmas, we packed up some of our belongings and made the six-hour trip westward. We had made this drive many times and it went by uneventfully -- albeit a little quieter.

The weather was a bit chilly when we arrived. But we hardly noticed as we made ourselves at home in our new house. The smell of fresh paint and wood flooring and cleanliness mixed with the salty ocean breeze.

Over the next few weeks we continued to accept furniture deliveries and decorate. My daughter started her new school and after a few days of shyness she made some new friends. When she video chatted with her old friends to tell them about her first days, I could here a happiness that had been a bit missing from her bubbly personality for several months. I too was happier but there still was a gaping void where companionship use to be.

One night at dinner my daughter asked "Daddy, will you ever get married again?" I didn't know what to say... I didn't want her to be upset with whatever my answer might be. She continued, "It is okay, I would like it if she is nice."

I hadn't dated at all since my wife's passing. In the last few months I had some extremely steamy email conversations with Reagan -- a girl I had dated years before I had gotten married. But, she was married now with kids. She was hesitant to breakup her family and so the relationship hadn't progressed any further than those emails. A few other female colleagues had been a bit flirtatious, but I had been so preoccupied with dealing with grief and then the move -- I hadn't really given them attention.

My daughter and I discussed it a bit more and I realized she truly just wanted me to be happy.

I continued to think about it as I got ready for bed that night. "What the heck, why not?" I downloaded a dating site app, and created a profile. I obsessed over trying to a few good photos of me -- where I didn't look too dorky. I have always been more attracted to younger women, so I chose 18 to 28 for my age. I realized that many in that age range wouldn't be interested in me, as I was 45. However, if I was looking for the perfect woman I knew I didn't want to sell myself short. I saved it and waited. My profile was approved but it still was quiet. A few contacted me, but some ghosted when they found out I had a child.

A week and a half later, I woke up to find a message in my inbox. It was from a very attractive 35-year-old Asian woman. This grabbed my attention as my wife had also been of Asian descent. She noted that she knew she was outside of my chosen age range, but she thought I was cute and that we might have a lot in common. She noted that she was a single parent too. We chatted for a bit through the site's messaging app before I got up the courage if she wanted to meet.

She responded simply with a "Yes!!!" followed by a smiley face emoji. I let her know I would need to find a sitter for my daughter, and that maybe we could meet for dinner on Friday.

I made reservations at a place downtown that was not too pretentious but classy enough for a first date. We agreed to drive separately to keep things low pressure.

Friday arrived. At about 4pm, one of my daughter's new friends came over for a sleepover with her older sister who would be babysitting them both. I was a bit nervous about leaving my daughter with a relative stranger, but my daughter assured me it would be okay. "Just go, dad!" she chided me as I gave the sitter emergency contact info and instructions. I gave my daughter a kiss good night.

I went downstairs to the garage and got in one my Jeeps. I headed south towards downtown. Thank goodness for all the lane keeping assist and automated cruise control features as my brain was honestly somewhere else for most of the way. I had first date butterflies I hadn't felt in well over a decade. Moments of self-doubt entered here and there as I wondered if my date would be a no-show. Was I setting myself up for disappointment? I found a parking garage near the restaurant and nervously made my way up the street.

When I reached the front of the restaurant my date was not there yet. Then I looked at my phone and realized I was 15 minutes early. Suddenly my phone dinged, and I realized it was a text from Rachel -- my date. I opened it and happily saw she was also early and had just parked. A few moments later, I saw her coming in the same direction where I had parked.

To say her pictures didn't do her justice would have been an understatement. She was about 5'6", her wavy black hair just below her shoulders. She was dressed very classy and her skirt and blouse accentuated her curves just perfectly. As she came closer I admired her delicate Korean features as her eyes twinkled and she broke into a smile. As she came close, I held out my hand to greet her and she simply took my hand in hers, interlocking her fingers with mine. She led me to the hostess station where we checked in. The hostess led us to a table.

I pulled out the chair for her like a gentleman, and we were seated. She grasped my hand again and just looked at me smiling. I broke the silence with small talk and this snowballed into conversation. The nervousness faded away.

She told me she was first generation American with her parents moving to the States about five years before she was born. She was married but her husband had been killed in an auto accident when she was just three months pregnant with her daughter Katie. She had not dated since then -- focusing on motherhood and her career. She was had worked her way up to being a Senior VP of Marketing while juggling being a single mom. She asked some caring questions about my own loss and if I had dated at all. I was honest and told her quietly about my steamy email affair. She just smiled and playfully shook her head. She asked if I wanted more kids. I told her that I had a vasectomy so kids were likely out of the question.

She shared funny stories from her childhood as well as stories of her daughter growing up. Time ticked by as we talked freely.

As she chattered away, I couldn't help by admiring her beauty. She was curvy, but not overweight. She obviously noticed me admiring and that I couldn't help that my eyes were drawn to the cleavage peaking at the collar of her perfectly tailored blouse. Her voice trailed off and she blushed a little. This in turn made me embarrassed that I had been caught staring. She squeezed my arm and whispered "It's okay". This put me back at ease as the conversation restarted. Our main entrees arrived but the conversation continued excitedly between bites. We moved on to dessert as she told me more about her hobbies, and we talked about our children.

We continued to talk until the hostesses started giving us the "look" that we were occupying the table too long during the dinner rush. I paid and then we headed out. We discovered that we had both parked in the same garage. She reached out and grasped my hand and then leaned against me as we made our way to our cars.

When we reached the garage we realized that we had parked across from each other. I walked her to her car -- a pearl white Lucid Air, exuding the same classiness she seemed to carry with her everywhere. She opened her door and then turned to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me to her. Without a word, her soft lips met mine as she kissed me fully. It was like an electric shock that traveled through me as her tongue flicked against mine. She pulled away and kissed me with a quick peck and then she breathlessly whispered "oh gosh, I should go". We reluctantly said good night, and I watched in my rear view mirror as she drove away.

I took a longer scenic drive home -- up through La Jolla -- along the coast. The views of twilight over the Pacific calming my mind. I was nearly home when my phone pinged. It was Rachel, telling me she was home safely. A few more moments and another message. "I can't stop thinking about you." I just smiled and continued home.

I pulled into the garage, and went inside. I heard girlish shrieks of laughter from my daughter's room and peeked inside. My daughter and her friend and her older sister were having a pillow fight and laughing. I interrupted them to kiss my daughter good night and then told them to carry on. As I left, the pillow fight continued in full force.

I went to my room and showered and then climbed into bed. I looked at my phone -- another message from Rachel -- "I need to see you again. Wednesday, after the girls go to school?". This time it was me who just responded with a "Yes!!!" and a smiling emoji.

The next few days passed so slowly. I greeted Rachel with a good morning text each day, and a good night call each night. But her conversations were small talk and I worried if she wasn't on the post-date high that I was still on. On Tuesday, there was no good night call. Instead a text message with simply her address and a kissy face emoji. I left it at that, I didn't call her that night.

The next morning, I dumped cereal when trying to make my daughter breakfast and forgot to put coffee in the coffeemaker. My daughter knowingly said "Daddy, are you thinking about Rachel?" I was.

I dropped her off at school, stopped by the little French bakery to grab a few sweet treats and then headed to the address Rachel had sent me. It was a 1950s one-story house that set back under some full-grown trees. It was absolutely cute. I got to the door but never had a chance to ring the doorbell. Rachel had heard me arrive and opened the door as I approached. She apparently dressed just as perfectly for school drop-off as she did for first dates. She pulled me inside and as I fumbled to set the pastries down on the entry table, she kissed me as passionately as our last kiss. I kicked off my shoes as she led me from the entry, through the living room, and down the short hallway to her room.

She said nothing as she guided me to the bed, and pushed me down. She stood in front of me, her beautiful smile glowing. She seductively began to unbutton her blouse. Soon it was unbuttoned and a lacey red bra was revealed. It was then that I realized how large her breasts were. Her tailored clothes complimented her curves but never made them stand out. Now seeing her in her bra, I know my jaw dropped. She just giggled as she pulled down her skirt to reveal a matching pair of red panties. She turned around to show me her equally curvaceous butt.

She laughed as she playfully shook it. Then she turned back around, and got to her knees next to the bed. There was no hiding I was fully aroused. She grasped the bulge in my shorts and bit her lip as she squeezed it. I groaned a low groan. She got up and straddled me. My throbbing member pressed against her crotch as she pulled my shirt off. She kissed me as she ran her fingers through my chest hair. Then she kissed down my chest, climbing off me. She was back down on the floor -- quickly unfastening my shorts. With a few quick tugs, I was naked before this beautiful woman.

I am far from the perfect man. I am relatively slim, but have the "dad bod" tummy. My hair is thinning on my head, but I am plenty hairy elsewhere. But one area I have no uncertainty about was my manhood. I am average length but thicker than average.

"Oh my God!" Rachel gasped as she saw what was before her. She grasped my cock in her soft hands. It throbbed and twitched with her touch. She tugged on it gently and then lowered her mouth around it. Gagging slightly, she began to suck the full shaft. She paused to stroke it a few more times. Then slurping some more. My toes curled in ecstasy.

She stopped again, this time to unfasten her bra. She let the bra hit the floor and her beautiful natural 36DDs sprang forth. They were still very shapely with very little sagging. It was my turn to stare in awe. Just as swiftly she hooked her thumbs in the waist of her panties and pulled them down. A moment of shyness crept in as her clean shaven pussy was in full view of my hungry eyes.

She straddled me once again. But this time I grasped her soft butt and guided her. She reached down and took hold of my dick. She rubbed it back and forth against her clit before lining it up and sliding me inside her. "I know I am older than you like" she panted, "but hopefully you enjoy this". I was definitely not complaining as the slickess of her extremely tight pussy slid down on me. Her tightness pulsed as it felt it's first sexual penetration in over 17 years. She kissed me on the lips. Looking into my eyes, it was electric and passionate. I felt precum oozing into her and I lifted her up and placed her on her back. I began thrusting in earnest. She moaned "I love you! You are the perfect man!" as I gave everything I had to thrusting in her. I felt her shake. She went from holding me to tearing at the sheets as she orgasmed. I felt her squirt on me as I thrust into over and over. Unable to control myself any longer, l unloaded deep inside. I rolled her over on top of me with my dick still deep inside her. Her beautiful breasts heaved as she tried to catch her breath. I slowly softened and she raised up to watch me slide out. Her slit dripped with my cum.

She quickly closed her legs.tpgether and lay beside me. I snuggled in close, gently playing with her still stiff nipple. She reached behind her and squeezed cum from my now flacid cock. She brought her hand to her mouth and tasted it.

"You are the perfect man, why did you settle for me?" she said softly. Her self-deprecating question surprised me from someone who carried herself with such confidence. I kissed her neck -- causing her to shiver. "I love you!" I told her. It wasn't just the post-coital high. It was the truth. I was crazy about her.

She just smiled and sighed. "I hope my daughter finds a man like you." I playfully replied "Well there is nobody quite like me." She smiled as she turned to kiss me, "Is that so?"

We lay there for quite a bit longer. Kissing and making small talk -- the room drenched in the scent of sex. Soon it was time for us to get ready to go pick up our daughters from school. We headed out separately as my daughter was only in the upper grades of elementary while hers was a Senior in high school.

The good morning texts and good evening phone calls resumed. But now they were romantic, always ending with our professions of our love. She continued to express disbelief that I was some how settling for her ... Which I really didn't get.

On Friday morning, she called me to let me know a big meeting she had been postponed. She asked if I could come over to "talk". This made me a bit nervous. Rarely does the "talk" end well. In the short drive over, things played in my mind. Had I moved too fast? Had I said something wrong?

When I arrived, she meant me at the door. Today she was in a much more casual t-shirt and boy shorts. She had a look on her face like she wanted to tell me something but didn't know how. Not wanting to be too forward in case this was about to go sideways, I kissed her on the cheek. I heard her sigh and she hugged me close. She looked me in the eyes and our lips met. Again sparks flew. We stumbled like awkward teenagers to the living room couch. We clawed at each other's clothes -- this time there was no bra under her shirt. I pulled her nipple into my mouth as her head threw back in pleasure. I gave both nipples attention as I cupped her DDs in my hands. I kissed down her tummy, teasing her belly button and she giggled and squirmed. I pulled her shorts down to be greeted by her smooth slit. I noted that her shorts were already damp. I grasped her round butt in my hands and pulled her to me. My tongue flicked gently over her clit as I inhaled her fresh womanly scent. Her hands on my head, I began to gently kiss and tease as she squirmed and moaned. I buried my tongue inside she squealed with pleasure. She immediately flooded with juices as I continued to slide my tongue into her. She let go of my head and began to squeeze her breasts in her hands. I paused long enough to look up and see her in the clutches of pleasure. Her body shook and quivered in my hands. I squeezed her butt and buried my tongue deep inside of her vagina. The couch cushion was now soaked with her juices.

She bucked and pulled at me and motioned for me to get on the bed. I was throbbing as her pulsing pussy slid down on me. She began to ride, and as she did tears poured down her cheeks. And then she let it out. She told me she felt "not good enough" because she knew I liked younger woman. She felt she would lose me. She said that made her sad as I was only the second man she had ever been with and she was in love with me. I tried to talk, but she just put her finger on my lips. She rode harder and faster, her big breasts bouncing as she did. She told me that she thought I was the perfect man -- something she had kept telling me. She loved how manly my body was, she loved how much of a gentleman I was, but she was afraid I would leave her for someone much younger.

Then she blurted out words that spun me into a world of confusion. "I think you should date my daughter!"

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